MWSS GOLF

Game 242 ~ Pukuke GC~ 1st December


 

The only reason I am writing this blog is because I missed a couple of clutch putts. I wasn't the only one as I think the average number of putts was pretty much the same as average stabies scored.

Thanks to PC for getting us off to a quick start in his lollipop jacket. Spring Dog - Yipsie - you have my sympathy.I had the privilege of playing with Peanut who could have walked away with the big money if he hadn't had a wipe. My ambition was to get past his ball in 2 shots.

Thanks to the fine Master for fining me for picking up someone's ball! It was nearly 2 fairways off track so I thought they didn't want it.The fine was more than the crappy ball. The ball owner was in a cart which is not surprising as they appeared to be taking the long way around. Not as bad as Red though.. a broken club on the 1st hole, the fine master had a ball with that.

I feel it sums up the majority of golfers, looking at the scores when J Lo said "Take a photo of me because you may not see me back here again" It is truly one of those courses that can chew you up and spit you out, but the greens were true and the views are spectacular. In my opinion is better suited to the big hitters as they are able to hit the ball to carry the gully's & hills etc.


Congratulations to Peanut for picking up the double on a testing course, Bangers Shot and the Trophy. Also well done to Broomy for winning Order of Merit for the second year in a row, drug test pending.
 

The highlight of the day was the after match at Fantail & Turtle. Great catching up with the ladies & young ones, then again everyone is 
younger than me!

Merry Christmas and see you next year 

Pissy

Game 241 ~ Walton GC~ 3rd November

Without doubt this was one of the most handsome group of Golfers to turn up to an MWSS sanctioned event. For those who have not been to Walton it is approximately 2 hours drive from Auckland in the middle of the mighty Waikato. The absence of both the highly esteemed Bangers and Four Door lowering the average players age by a solid 8 years. As forecast the weather played the biggest part of the day. Not satisfied with a gentle sprinkling of the life giving essence a constant soul destroying drizzle ensured nobody was going to have a fun filled day . The course however did play its part and despite the drenching it was very playable with nice rolling greens which helped Springdog win the glugs mug with a respectable 28 Putts. We were fortunate to have 3 tees to start from which helped everyone to get back and enjoy a well-earned shower. I can personally attest to the fact the women’s showers are far better fitted out. The after match was generously hosted by Macca at his glorious digs, Villa Walton, which is just down the road from the Golf course and if anyone is looking to impress Her Indoors with a few nights away this is a great place to relax. Macca is making a valiant attempt at outdoing Springdog with a very impressive man cave. A special thank you to Boba and Schooner for their donation to Grims own man cave. As always, Crazy did a fantastic job of sherriff and hosting the fine session which is always great for a laugh and a dig at your fellow MWSSers.

What For	Trophy	Gets	Winner	Score
Most Putts	Yipsy	Imortality	Grandad	38
Biggest Gross	Shanksy	Imortality	Angry	114
Lowest Stabies	Grumpy	Imortality	Springdog	21
Being Average		To Write Blog
Long Drive	7	ClubRoom $50	Gaylord
Long Drive		ClubRoom $50	Batman
Closest to pin	3	ClubRoom $50	BT
Closest to pin	12	ClubRoom $50	Ernie
Team	Combined Stabies	ClubRoom $50 each	Batman, Schoolboy, Macca	117
Least Putts	Glug's Mug		Springdog	28
Smallest Gross	Bangers Shot	ClubRoom $50	Batman	75
2nd Stabies	MWSS Plate		Gaylord	35
Best Stabies	MWSS Trophy	ClubRoom $50	Hone	36

Keeping the Stress and the slice at Bay.

Grim

Game 240 ~ Bridge Pa ~ 22nd September

We all met for the bus outside the apartments with rumours of a knee capping of one of our own during the night in the streets of Napier. Thoughts instantly turned to a an argument in the pub, a brawl, baseball bats, and the Mighty Mob. I hope our bloke was okay. Grandad, as it turned out, had merely shinned himself on a well lit decorative anchor and had incurred a wound slightly bigger than a pea. None of us were surprised by this accident as it happened on his solo way home where lefts became rights and even exiting the bar was a challenge as he pushed on the clearly marked ‘pull’ doors.



 

We arrived at Bridge Pa and somehow, with some bending of the truth, pushed ahead of our real tee times, upsetting some local ladies who were vocal with their dissatisfaction. They were constantly on our tail (as a three ball) but to be fair, we were always waiting too (the Baton challenge 4). This was nowhere near as bad as a foursome who managed to lose two and a half holes on the group in front and only had a four ball containing life members behind them. MWSS were not covering themselves in glory and there was more to follow.

 

As the golf concluded, those that excelled rose to the top so congrats to the winners. Yipsy was hotly contested and a putt off was called for – somehow Grandad confused this for a nut off and proceeded to unzip and pull out two plums wrapped in a freshly skinned naked mole rat to every ones horror. A sight I cannot unsee and will haunt me for a long time. Angry, Hone, and BJ luckily had ventured down to the putting green to duke it out and from memory Angry was the victor despite putting third.

Excellent adventure all round.

The Bachelor

Game 239 ~ Cape Kidnappers ~ 21st September

First day was eventful in itself.  Most arrived at the domestic terminal AKL 6am and witnessed Batman rumbling past with Throbin consoling him arm over shoulder. Apparently Batman had booked the 6.15pm flight instead of the 6.15am flight, oops. Jammy prick thought he was driving all the way to Hastings to keep up but called Bachelor who duely picked him up at Ardmore airfield in his own plane instead(thank god for good friends).

 

The rest of us got there as planned and the tour began. Coach was timely and efficient, a tasty breakfast was had and we proceeded up to the peninsular of Cape Kidnappers. The weather was possibly the best you could ever imagine: perfect, we were blessed.
 

Most played well, scoring was pretty good reflecting the conditions. Batman, Macca & Angry got longest drives(high & low handicaps), nearest pins went to Grandad & Roscoe. Grandad and Wolverine tied for the 37 stabbies and Grandad won it on a countback. Throbin won the Glugs Mug with 31 putts, reflecting the slick greens. Bangers Shot went to Batman with 77, Grumpy went to Scooner with 24 stabbies(trend to follow). Shanksy apparently went to Angry but I had was reported as worse?

We pretty much had the course to ourselves which was special (pretty much an MWSS thing these days). The staff and outfit were brilliant, the facilities were so incredible you’d be a fuckwit to complain about any of it. 

For	Trophy	Gets	Winner		Score
Most Putts	Yipsy	Imortality	Maxxy		42
Biggest Gross	Shanksy	Imortality	Angry		107
Lowest Stabies	Grumpy	Imortality	Scooner		24
Being Average		To Write Blog	Ferdinand
Long Drive		ClubRoom $50	Batman
Closest to pin		ClubRoom $50	Batman
Least Putts	Glug's Mug	Da Money	School Boy		31
Smallest Gross	Bangers Shot	ClubRoom $50	Batman		77
2nd Best Stabies	MWSS Plate		Wolverine		37
Best Stabies	MWSS Trophy	ClubRoom $50	Grandad	CB	37

Coaches, bottle shops and toilet stops to the Napier accommodation and a fun night at the local establishments ensued. Grandad left one bar earlier on and duly tripped over a random anchor left in the middle of the road(not really) and crushed the shins, oops. 

So that was day one, what a brilliant day to spend with a bunch good fuckers.

Ferdinand

Game 238 ~ Tieke Golf Course ~ 11th August

It was an early start for the 29 good keen men who rode the bus south for MWSS’s Tieke Take 2. In all 40 good blokes took on the challenge that Tieke offers.

The weather was pretty good, although a little on the cool side with a steady breeze testing the golfing talents of the group. This on top of the desert like vast amounts of sand around the course didn’t necessarily make for easy scoring but the group was up to the challenge.

I thought the course was in fantastic nick, especially given the amount of rain the area has experienced in recent times. The fairways were great (when we hit them) and the greens were pretty quick and true.
 

I witnessed BJ’s 50^th game and although we both played pretty average, we managed to sneak the beer off Tiny and Pinky Pie by the smallest of margins. With Pinky Pie shooting in the 80’s which included a 10 on the 16^th! Golf was the winner in our foursome and thanks gents for a great day of golf. 

No Crazy or Four Door for the trip so Ferg stepped up to the MC and fine master duties. Not many escaped the fine jug. Brambo was our only virgin and the usual shenanigan’s ensued. To start his run with a bus trip was a big call, but he seemed to fit right in.. Birdie took out the MWSS trophy with 39 points. And BJ collected his 50^th game jacket, well done that man.
 

There was a challenge for the Ranfurly Baton by Ferg & Scooner who apparently won by default as the defender was a no show. The Fatador (Batman) and Hawkeye were very quick to challenge for the Baton at Cape Kidnappers next time out, while some dark horses in the form of BJ and Crazyaza have that honour at Bridge Pa in the second leg of the Kidnapper Tour.

The MWSS website says we were returning to Tieke due to demand and I don’t think that demand will have dropped any after this trip. El Prez I’m thinking this one might just have to become an annual event in the MWSS calendar.

Crazyasa

Game 237 ~ Day 3 ~ Ryder Cup ~ Dunes GC ~ 7th June

This story starts at the Matarangi Golf Club,I haven’t been on a school bus since the 80’s, so off we go picking everyone up around Matarangi. Destination is 20 Black Jack Road, AKA Lukes Kitchen, Kuaotunu Beach. I mention the address, as I have only ever been there in the dark, maybe one day I will see it in the light.
 

Pizza and Beer, lots of jokes and a razing by the South as they have a good lead at the end of day.two. The Alter Ego of Batman, “El Matador” is released and the most outrageous MWSS jacket yet to been seen is unveiled, Congrats on the fifty games.
 

On the way home, the North release their ace, “Grandad” who rallies the troops with an enthusiastic rendition of Delilah and everybody joining in.


The final day is a calm winter’s morning, tee off is at nine, there are hangovers a plenty, Earnie’s running late and is driving around like a lunatic as his golf shoes are locked in the car, bad weather is coming. Each team has three points available for the taking. And off I go, straight into the houses on the first.
 

This unidentifiable member of the South was having some issues with his driver and later seen performing selfless acts on Hawkeye. For services rendered the North have put a cheque in the mail.
 

Its possible “Grandad” won the event for the North sinking a gigantic 40ft putt on the 18^th. And I’m sure there are many more stories out there.

However the highlight of the day was “Grandads” rendition of his fine Engineering skills and his digital dexterity, the ladies behind the bar were certainly entertained by his story.

It was a good day at the office for the North and they celebrated with the worst bugle call of all time.

 

SPRINGDOG

Go The North


 

Game 236 ~ Day 2 ~ Ryder Cup ~ Dunes GC ~ 6th June

After a restful quiet night compared to the Shenanigans at the BatCave on tues evening, the morning started off a lot better with SpringDog and myself partnered up for the day.

Somehow we had Bangers and Sam Baco from the Dirty South to compete against and the kicker was that we generously gave them 5 extra shots for the round.

The day started off promising with Sam Baco duck hooking his drive off the 1st tee into the houses and giving Bangers the opportunity to blast one down the middle to get them back on track.

Sadly however, that seemed to be the case for the rest of our day, topped off with Bangers rubbing his hands walking to the next tee with a smirked grin on his face,

By the way boys, we got a shot there !!!

Apart from that, we all had a great day with lots of laughs and joking around.




BUTCH

Game 235 ~ Day 1 ~ Ryder Cup ~ Dunes GC ~ 5th June

With the recent record rainfalls, Matarangi is probably one of the best courses around at the moment. Great fairways, nice greens, no excuses for shit golf…but at the meeting point at 10am we could already hear some of the members sharing their drinking experiences from the night before. Everything was set to see some shanks, slices, hooks and many many snakes.

Well, it’s another MWSS Tour, we all knew we were coming here to get pissed first and maybe play some good golf.
Day 1 of the Ryder Cup was probably the one we saw the best golf apart from Barney and an awful 83. The man who’s been on “Dry July” for about 4 days found a reason to give up his commitment and started drinking again!
El Battydor (Batman) was still recovering from the previous night on the front 9 and finally got his shit together to finish strong on the back 9.

Anyway, a lot of “bad golfers” out there who were not going to disappoint on the 19th hole.
It was a great night in the Matarangi clubrooms which was an announcement of even more shit golf to follow the next day.

To sum up the first day on the course, like Denise, Grim’s wife, said about him it’s was a “quick solid effort” from everyone.
 

Frenchie

Game 234 ~ Northern Double ~ Mangawhai GC ~ 9th June

As the day dawned in Mangawhai, it was apparent that the very still, clear blue sky, was going to provide no excuses for the shit golf that was to follow. The MWSS tribe slowly arrived and drip fed from the carpark to the practice greens where 8 holes were available for 40 odd blokes. This ratio is probably acceptable if you are a sailor but a golfers nightmare as patience became the first test of the day.


 

It was very noticeable that Mangawhai had suffered from the recent spate of storms and were still in recovery mode. A lot of GUR, drainage works, and temporary hole configurations to work through but despite these challenges, a hats off to the Mangawhai green keepers for the amount of work that must have been put in. The greens were fantastic and a nightmare for a regularly contested snake.
 

While the weather played ball, no one managed to hit to their handicap with two 35 pointers winning the day. The choke of the day went to Wolverine who was slaying it at 26 points after 11 but unfortunately limped home to a 34. A little know bit of skulduggery happened on the course and was luckily not known to the fine master during the fining sessions for a certain four. Lets just say that the twelfth played about 40 metres longer for those who teed off on the front nine as the greenkeeper was ‘encouraged’ to open the new tee block – I will let you all play Cluedo to identify the four involved.

 

The best thing that can happen did happen for the jackpotted $400 worth of Clubroom vouchers. A four way playoff!! BT headed down to the practice and chose a challenging pin position on the top tier. The deck was jam packed and rained down ‘supportive’ comments and the odd tennis ball on the chosen four. Lock nuts was first up and with a lovely drop kick, binned it. This lifted the roof off the place with all on the deck celebrating this wonderous feat. Lock nuts did not seem to share the same enthusiasm which suggested that perhaps this isn’t the first time he has jammed it in the wrong hole. Pissy was up next and coolly chipped it within 3 – 4 metres of the correct hole. Tiny almost mirrored Pissy but became the first victim of BT’s true intent, sliding back down the slope and off the side of the green. Next up, the bookies favourite Ferg. Luckily for most on the deck, the odds had not quite been finalised before he swung. Wow! Shanked beautifully between the bewildered local foursome coming off the 9^th who were already wondering what the hell had descended on their usually sleepy hollow. Congrats to Pissy and all other winners.



 

A few of us hung around the clubrooms til 7, spending approx. $60 on raffles to win a $12 bottle of wine before heading off to watch emphatic wins by the Blues and the Warriors.


I understand that there may also have been proposals sent out for potential nick name changes so I will leave one ponderous question here. Should it be Batman? or Alf on account of the unmistakeable twinning quiff?

Chewbacca

Game 233 ~ Northern Double ~ Waipu GC ~ 8th June
 

A double header up north thankfully didn’t include a canoe trip to a banjo pickers convention but we were delivered a prospect of a couple of fine days on a couple of Northland gems namely Waipu and Maungawhai.(sadly for my Merc the ‘summer highway’ was still in its pristine and unused state waiting for Michael Wood to sell off his airport shares)

A field of 40 plus rolled in to waipu GC on day one with all the usual suspects and virgins ready for a scintillating amble of piss taking,self flagellation, and …..golf?



 

Skins was a new format added to the captains administrative duties ( I love being a captain….not!!) the jurys still out on this one didn’t really get enough feedback from the members yay or nay so don’t want to upset the Granny Smith wagon aka el president, not enough information or disinformation at this stage. But we had joint on 9 skins each in their perspective 4s, so like skins, with no out right winner, it roles over to the next day.

Back at the clubhouse after all rounds completed we were adequately fed and watered from the attentive staff and BT then jumped into our chariots and headed down the road south to stay in Maungawhai for the night.

A big welcome to our virgins Pintcan and Tommy, interesting details. Conrats to Wolverine and Springdog on reaching 18 games. And a big congrats to oTuittii Fruttii on his Blazer game although, the El Prez was finable for mossing it.

 

Hone

Game 232 ~ Grip and Rip Challenge ~ Helensville GC ~ 5th May

Everyone hates the Auckland weather!!! Period. Its the only place in NZ where it can rain, be bloody windy, fairways turn to mud, cold and yet you can still get sunburnt!!! (At least us gingas can)

Anyway not that Im moaning because even with these conditions MWSS had another great day! We are spoilt for courses in NZ and Helensville is another great course. We were joined by 6 members of the grip and rip crew. It was great to have these guys with us but did remind everyone how old we are getting but also how little has changed….we all still love a taking the piss out of each other and having a beer after.

The highlight of the day had to be the standing ovation Angry got when he received his “regular” award. It still amazes me that he wins this prize because every time I play with him he plays bloody well!! Obviously a very popular member of our team because although the standing ovation was in good humour there was genuine sense of respect and admiration for a guy who has had a tough year.

As usual a big thank you to Andrew Springford (spring dog). Another good bugger who always welcomes us to his place and its definitely a venue we all bloody enjoy. It was entertaining watching the young guys from Grip and rip admire your man cave! I did have to confirm to one of them that to be part of MWSS you needed a similar place at your own home at least equal or better than Andrews!!

 

Anyway another great day…especially the fact that Crazyaza and I smashed Brett and Echo in our match. We were 10 up after the front 9!

Cheers

AT

 

Game 231 ~ Masters Monday ~ North Shore GC ~ 10th April
 

For the first time in history Masters Monday featured an MWSS member playing at Augusta in the big time !! No, not the Rat going for the ‘other’ green jacket after his 2022 performance at North Shore nor Broomy, who plays more rounds pa than most pros on the PGA tour… but Ryan Fox, winner of the inaugural MWSS Pro Am carving it up at Augusta… great to see.

 

Meanwhile, in little ole NZ, 31 of us battled it out for the honours around North Shore.

BT and Lisa had done most of the work prior to the day but with a little co-ordination from Coogs, some counting from Red and Hammer and we were all good.
 

The greens had recently been cored, but that didn’t stop some players carving up the track.

With Red carding a very fine 42 points we started to wonder how the green jacket/ginga hair do would look in the photos…. However JLo rained on Reds parade and charged home with a very fine 43 points to take the honours.

He looked splendid in the Green Jacket and didn’t hesitate to throw some $ at the bar for all to enjoy the day. He was last seen heading towards Springdog’s drinking establishment so imagine some of those Ville boys are still there celebrating.
 

Settling for the plate, Red was a dignified runner-up & showed he will be a threat for the OOM come year end.

The Black Jacket and Bangers Shot for best gross went to Ernie with a well compiled 77. Glugs Mug went to Ferdinand with an impressive 28 on greens that had recently been cored and took some interesting jumps en-route.

We had plenty of virgins joining the crew on the day and just goes to show that despite what we think – we might be on to something here…. We listened to an interesting story from Dildo(Dylan) and a load of rubbish from Froggy(Simon), but welcome both them and TinBum (Nick), Fruity (Tony) and Zulchy (John) to the group.

The Gnomes went to well deserved Men – PC having one of those days collected both Grumpy and Shanksy but just missed out on the trifecta with Grandad managing a well compiled 39 putts to take out Yipsy.

The closest to the pin and longest drives were interesting with a few ‘locals’ having trouble recognising that those were MWSS titles and thus confusing Red when it came to pronouncing the names of the winners…. .but credit to the following:
 

Hopefully be playing in a few months, when my knee is good after my operation, catch you then.

Crazy

Game 230 ~ Broomy's Double Centre ~ Te Arai South ~ 20th March

Discover the Spirit of Te Arai

The day could not have been more perfect for such a momentous occasion. Not only the 200^th game for one for the founding fathers, but also, the 20-year Anniversary of the M.W.S.S

AT Te Arai we have been given a great gift, a uniquely special site for golf, comprising of sand dunes and land forms sculpted by the wind, adjacent to the sea.

Te Arai landforms vary from heavy sand ridges and meandering valleys to rumbled contours reminiscent of the classic seaside links on which the game began. The holes are varied in apperance and character, much like the Band of Brothers that ascended through the pine forest and assembled on the practice fairway for the 230th redition. I'm sure none of the original 8 would have thought that 20 years on, there would be a further 519 members join their ranks playing 101 course since the inaugural game in Muriwai in 2003.A warm welcome to Sully and Doc, joining our ranks for the first time.

Today, however, was about 1 man. The great Paul Broom. As Broomy awoke, dawn was breaking, and the crescent moon was shining through the shear curtains of his Birkenhead boudoir. Little did he know, by dusk fall he would be pardoned for the “indiscretion’ of marrying Keitha 29 years and 300 odd days ago. This ‘indiscretion” has helped top up the MWSS war chest over the previous 20 years as many a fines master has enjoyed releasing him of a few dollars each and every appearance. Throughout his MWSS tenure he has established an impressive record for the rest of us to aspire to. Winner of the prestigious Banger’s Shot 6 times. 16 times the winner of Glugs Mug. 9 times winner of the MWSS trophy with a further 10, 2^nd place finishes. He is also the current holder of the MWSS Order of Merit.

Joined on the 1^st tee for the special occasion by his brother Michael (Bottle), son Zane (Schmidt) and the good mate Brett (Crazy) he ripped of a power fade to the right side of the fairway, giving him the perfect angle up to the green. The resultant bogey wasn’t the desired outcome, but the score at the end of the round was irrelevant as we all joined him, 4 by 4 at Ric’s, to wish him well and celebrate his tremendous achievement.

Ric’s, the perfect location in front of the 2-acre putting green know as the playground. Food and refreshment were enjoyed by all before the usual calamitous buffoonery from 4Door and Crazy took us through to the conclusion of a wonderful day. As the sunset, I was reminded of the 2 brothers that recently left us. Fittingly, we had clapped them of the first tee earlier in the day.



 

Congratulations to all the winners at Te Arai.
 

Here’s to another 20 years of “Mates, Golf, Beer & Bullshit”
 

Batman.